Saturday, November 22, 2008

32 dollars per gallon

Americans are so selectively bitchy! Six months ago, all they did was whine about gas prices rocketing skyward. It was the lead story on the news, on the radio...all over. In my area, the price of a gallon of regular gas has dropped over $2.00/gallon in five months, but there are no news stories about how great that is.

What should they really be bitching about?? STARBUCKS! First of all, Starbucks and GameStop are taking over this country. I defy you to drive for more than 3 miles within a major city and not see one of those two stores. But for now, I focus on Starbucks.

If you were to just walk in there and ask for a small cup of coffee, by the time you left, your head might explode. They have too many damn choices. You can't just get a "cup of coffee." Breakfast Blend, House Blend, Gazebo Blend, even Komodo Dragon Blend! There's Espresso Roast, French Roast, Italian Roast, or Pike Place Roast. Whatever happened to just regular and decaf?? There are Energy shots, Protein shots, Espresso shots, Flavored syrup, Mocha syrup... Mrs Butterworth's syrup? Cappuccino, Frappuccino, Macchiato...Al Pacino??

And after you finally narrow it down to the hot, cold, or tepid beverage of choice, you have to figure out their Bizarro World sizing system. What is wrong with "small, medium, and large?" It's been working for years, hasn't it?? Never once did I get confused when I looked behind the counter, saw three stacks of cups, and decided what to order. No, this wasn't good enough for the lovely folks at Starbucks. Tall, Grande and Venti?? WTF?? Tall is not small...Tall means big! Grande is not medium... Grande is huuuuuuge! And Venti?? Puhlease!

So, the next time you order your Grande Organic Shade Grown Mexican DeCaf with whipped cream, caramel and three pumps of hazelnut and a protein shot, think about how that 16 ounce, $4 cup of coffee, costs $32/gallon. Imagine how many places you'd stop going to, if gas were to cost you $32/gallon.

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