Hmmm...I wonderland

Hold on tight...we're about to go to a portion of my brain that doesn't get visited very often. It's called Hmmm...I wonderland. I'm a person who usually prefers to make a decision, live with it, and not look back. 90% of the time, that philosophy has worked for me in life, so I roll with it.
Every now and then it's human to look back and think "What if....?"
"What if I would've gotten then hint when my prom date asked me to unzip her dress?"
"What if I would've actually gone to class in high school?"
"What if I wasn't introduced to porn at such a young age?"
A little while ago, I had a brief "what if..." moment that I had to get over quickly, and move on, simply because I'm a grown up and that's what grown ups do!

Let me explain: there's a young lady from my past that, for years, I had looked at as "the one who got away." I don't want to embarrass her, or put her out there like that, so for this passage, she shall remain nameless.

There was a time when we were very close friends...so close that I developed an infatuation for her. However, I never told her about it. Oddly enough, for a person who doesn't succumb to regret, for many years, not telling her how I felt, sat there in the back of my mind. Try as I might, I wasn't able to let it go. I'd find myself sitting somewhere, start to think about the period of time when we were friends, and hopelessly wonder how she was. There was this one time that I "swore" I saw her in the parking lot of a Grateful Dead concert, but the lovely woman who I spoke to was not her at all. It's amazing what shrooms and bowls of pot will cause you to see!

Several years ago, I found myself at a park, beneath a big beautiful tree, in the mood to do some writing. A woman and her daughter walked by and she reminded me of my crush from years ago, so I decided that I needed to get these feelings out of me. So I laid there and wrote her a poem, saying all the things that had been on my mind. Of course, I had NO intention on ever letting her read my words...it was strictly for my mental health. That mental exercise worked wonders! Years went by and I barely even thought about her. All was fine and dandy...and then after many years of no contact at all, we re-connected.

I saw her eyes, her smile, and for a few moments, I was back in school all over again! I got nervous at first, but then I thought back to my poem. There was nothing to be nervous about...she knew how I felt, and it was ok...or at least that's what I told myself. I took a deep breath, gathered my composure, and we had a lovely time conversing as old friends catching up...and I avoided taking the exit marked "Hmmm...I wonderland"